The Overwhelm of Risks

Why is everything so fucking hard?

Jan 19, 2025

Blood Price, my epic fantasy debut about a woman who gives everything, only to have it all taken away—inspired by my real-life experiences as a person who menstruates and needs period taboo to be broken yesterday—is now out in the world. You can order it as a paperback, eBook or a signed copy.

Thank you for all of your support! 🩸

Something I was not prepared for, in taking risks and chasing dreams, was how fucking overwhelming it is.

I was prepared for the fuckery of leaving the day job and university I’ve worked for since 2012. Given one of the main reasons I’m leaving is rampant disorganization from anyone with “manager” in their title, of course the process of actually getting things sorted (like my retirement withdrawal) is going past even my last day. I stress about growing my client list as a freelance editor, but I always have, ever since I started this business in 2016. I worry that this risk will not work out.

I wasn’t prepared for all the extra factors to feed into the overwhelm.

AI stealing clients away and stealing full-time editorial jobs.

Social media imploding on practically every platform, making marketing and growing a platform (for either editorial work or as an author) a fucking joke.

The pure batshittery of the American Healthcare system and trying to figure out how to get insurance after losing what was tied to your job.

Taxes. Fucking taxes.

Before anyone comes at me, I’ve done a lot of prep and research. I’ve been preparing to take the leap into freelancing full-time for months. Yet so much of this has been purposefully obtuse (healthcare) or complicated (retirement withdrawal and tax prep) or purely out of my control (AI and social media fuckery) that it’s been hard to not want to just crawl into a ball. Or, worse, take all of this as a sign that I’m making a mistake. That this risk is doomed from the start and I was a fool to even attempt it.

After a few days of depressed wallowing, I’m pushing back against those thoughts or ideas. Because fuck that noise.

Despite feeling overwhelmed, I know I can only control so much. So, here’s the steps I’m taking to combat the overwhelm:

Advocate for myself and my needs
Find and work with an accountant for taxes so I can fully understand them. Trust myself and my organizational skills that, with an expert’s guidance, I can handle this.
Continue to learn more about healthcare and trust that, even if less than ideal, I can handle it
Remember that I have a support system and catastrophizing doesn’t mean I’m going to lose them when things get rough
Make actionable goals and break into pieces to not get so overwhelmed
Remind myself that plans can change and I can able it

A lot if it just comes down to reminding myself that I am capable, even when the world is hard. Like, yeah, I’d love to not be fighting billionaires controlling our online communities and communication systems and AI stealing potential clients and trying to rob my books of their worth (it can’t, btw). But I can’t control that, so I can only do the best I can. While also reminding myself that even a small amount of time escaping from the hellish day job is better than none at all.

So, just going to try and soak in the good things, work on the hard things and attempt to not focus on the things outside of my control. Wish me luck. 🖤

Thanks for reading!

Until next,
Nicole 🖤